A really important read for Xingmis | Translated by laymerence and lyuanz

It’s my birthday today
Haha, 7th October
I’m busy with something right now
But I must finish writing this for you all to read

The time honoured words

Thankful and grateful to my Xingmis
It has been 12 years since the name Xingmi was born
It hasn’t been easy, it really hasn’t been easy on everyone
Thank you everyone
Thank you for the fan support you guys have done for my birthday. Thank you for every single piece of LED board which you guys have rented for me. Thank you for doing charity in my name. (I hope that you guys will be able to write your own names instead of mine instead, and then tell others that you are my Xingmis) Thank you for liking me. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for writing letters to me, you have allowed me to see your shadows wherever I go. Thank you for protecting me… (let me insert this: to the leaders who led everyone in singing the birthday song during the Hangzhou Concert, you guys have worked hard. There is no need to be worried and to cue each other, you guys can just sing whenever you want to, you guys shine the brightest)
Sigh, there is no end. There are too many things I want to say.  It would be too difficult to say it all, I won’t write it all out fully if not I won’t be able to finish writing

Mother

My birth 20 years ago was the day where my mother went through much pain and effort
It wasn’t easy, really
What’s more, I’ve recently discovered that mothers are very strange existences. When she is with you, she would keep talking to you regardless of whether you are listening to her or not.
The moment she opens her mouth, she will not stop talking. And then you will feel that she is very noisy and then you will think, “What does she know?” and after that you will feel that she is a bother
Sigh actually, she keeps bothering you because she is afraid that you can’t hear her. Aren’t we a group of mobile phone addicts? We don’t have much eye contact, coupled with how we are always plugged into our earphones. She only hopes to use her loud voice to reason with us, hoping to succeed, making a few words enter your ears, and be delivered to your brain. She is right. She only hopes for the best for you. Sometimes, she does not know anything indeed, but she is merely standing from her own point of view, wanting to protect you as she does not wish for you to get hurt in anyway. This is because her heart aches for you. She is right again. The reason why she nags at you is because she can’t see you. Based on her own experiences, she sees you venturing outside and has no sense of security. She is afraid that you will go astray. She is still right. (I’m summarizing this based on my ownself ha)
But she will also be our angel. When we are truly lost and helpless, she is our safe haven (I’m talking about mothers who are responsible here)
My mother always says this, “Mother cannot be an intern, mother is not perfect. Being a mother is a lifetime thing” and she hopes that I will be happy, blessed and healthy.
Sigh, what do to? As sons and daughters, we should still be more understanding of our mothers

Studies

One of my teachers is a very easy-going person. He learns art and will often present me with little gifts and introduce antiques to me.
I feel that he is an artist
He said something to me which left a very deep impression on me
He said that our ancestors have left many sayings behind but there is one saying that is incomplete but has been widely used by everyone
“There are no words to express great kindness”
This teacher told me that the complete saying for this should be
“If there are no words to express great kindness, it will become hatred”
This subject can be a big matter or a small matter
But we should not be blindly thankful. The moment we are express thankfulness blindly we would be easily taken advantage of or would be looked down on. When we have accomplished great achievements, we must have a grateful heart, be thankful for everything and you must also be thankful to yourself

Life

When I wake up in the morning, I am used to hearing resonating start-up sound, and that habitual, black cylinder that gives off a low bass sound; I no longer feel that it’s noisy, but that it is rhythmic
Pressing the button, when the red light flashes
Lightly hitting the black and white keys while following my fingertips
Thinking of that tune which I was humming yesterday night
As it paces in my mind for a while, forgetting it and then starting a brand new experiment
In this space which isn’t that big, I seem to be the master of this space. I control all the emotions, joys and sorrows here
I am also like an artist, drawing picture of chirping birds and fragrant flowers, each one more beautiful than the other. I think that this space belongs to me, this world is my own world
She has allowed me to find my radar, telling me how should I fly, and where should I fly to
All these are the enjoyable parts of my life which belong to me
Using her, I start a new day
I have always been preparing…

Growth

These two years have passed very quickly, I’ve grown very quickly too, I’ve also done many fields of work at once - they can’t be said to have been exceptional, but I’ve given my all and hard work, it’s true if it is insufficient too
But (there is) a part of my results and growth which makes me regretful too
It all came too quickly, too much, how would I be able to take it? If the opportunity comes, would I still be able to catch it? I keep asking myself (this)
Why?
Because I am afraid of being lost
I continuously tell myself, my dreams and goals, includes everyone’s expectations and anticipations towards me. I’m unwilling to rest, even if it is just for a little while. The pressure is so great that I can’t breathe, or can’t sleep. I think that for everyone, even if you are in different professions, you may have similar frustrations and worries right? Let’s jiayou together ha

Searching for a Method

What is most important between people?
(At this point, “trust” that I have mentioned numerous times resounds)
That was the 2015 version
In 2016, the most important thing between people is communication
And the most important thing in communication, is how one expresses oneself
Because if the method of expression is different
It directly impacts the final result, good or bad

I am searching for a method of expression. She can transmit more of what I want to say for me, to somewhere further; she can’t be conventional or uninterested, she can’t be commonplace… She is a method of expression, she lacks flavour, she can’t be seen, can’t be felt, but is so important that she runs deep in my life. She does not have a correct answer, how do I search for the answer, how do I do this? I fell into deep thought

I am about to release my new album, everyone knows this right?
The songs which I wrote the lyrics, composed the song and arranged the music for, are finally about to meet with everyone
I spent a lot of time, a lot of sweat and blood, and participated in the overall conceptualising of the album, selection of the songs, arranging the music, choreography, to the production, to the filming of the MV, the overall story, the costume design, the cover of the album, the designing of the style, I have to thank the people around me who have always helped me
I hope that everyone likes it
When one day, when we think of this song again and listen to it again; one year, when we think back to this song, and listen to it again…
If you really don’t like it, then forget it, don’t force yourself to listen to it a few hundred times, there’s no need

The song that I am releasing this time, is still a tip of the iceberg
It is just for quality, you can anticipate the next few songs even more; after all, it is something that I have always worked hard at, I should not be slipping backwards for the next few years… right?
I don’t know either, let’s see

I am a singer, I will treat every job, every challenge at work, every change in role sincerely
I have to carry a grateful heart
Using my best works, to allow you to proudly say that the person you like is Zhang Yixing
Using my best works, to say thank you to the people who like me, love me, support me, and help me
Using my best works, to tell these people ‘I love you’

I think
This
Is the method of expressing myself that I’ve been looking for

Say, this birthday essay of mine, what on earth am I writing? Goodness me
I’m off to continue watching the MV
Thank you